so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I am one with the molecules
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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