I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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