Sponge bath it is.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
