She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I didn't notice because vodka
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Randomize
