I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
