He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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