you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
