Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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