She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
