Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
