Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
