So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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