he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
