next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
