Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
