Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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