I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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