its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
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