You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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