i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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