I would go down on you faster than GM stock
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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