Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
