just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
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