I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Randomize
