member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Ladies don't puke and tell
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
