Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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