i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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