I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
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