Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
