Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
