Your face is a jimmy john
Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
