soooo we both peed the bed last night...
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
