They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
