why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
