i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
