Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Randomize
