I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I just blew my weed a kiss
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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