i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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