I don't usually arrange sex via text message
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
