You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
