I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
