u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
