May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
