Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize