I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
