Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
