I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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