So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
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