Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
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