Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
