You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
