What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
