No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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