so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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