the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
