Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
