the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
