I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
