My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
