How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
