my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize