All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize