There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Randomize
