I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
