i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
birth control should be required to get into college
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Shame - the story of my life.
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