I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
