I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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