Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
