Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
it hurts more in the daytime
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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