I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
My dick has a subreddit
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
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