oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
