Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
