4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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