Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
