WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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