mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize