hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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