Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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