for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
