what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
