And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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