How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
