i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
