his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
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