he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
