Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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