If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
